A  MOOSE GUIDE FOR PAPERS & THEMES

IN ENGLISH & HUMANITIES

by Howard Denson

 Writing Parable for Our Time

Assuming that you are hungry, which hamburger would you want?  They all have the same contents.  They are equal in size.  But. . .
 

Burger #1 has a real roach on top of it. . .

Burger #2 is only hamburger (or veggie burger); nothing is concealed inside. . .

Burger #3 has a plastic roach from a joke shop. . .

("That's gross!" you say.  Well, if you live in sunny Florida, you live with billions of bugs, ranging from love-bugs that couple and splat onto your windshield to giant roaches that stray onto interstates and "total" any Greyhound buses unlucky enough to hit them. . . Okay, so we exaggerate a little.)

Significance of the Parable:

The hamburger, of course, is the content of your paper, story, poem, or essay.

The real roach represents spelling errors and grammatical problems.  Your teachers may have tolerated such errors because they hoped you were learning and moving beyond them.  Editors, most professors, and most employers recoil.  The real roach could mean a bad grade, a rejection by an editor, or a refusal by a firm to hire you.

The plastic roach represents the appearance of the paper.  The paper is single-spaced, typed in all caps, with a ribbon or ink cartridge that barely makes an image.  Moreover, the dog chewed one corner of the paper, and you left a coffee ring at the bottom.  Everything about the paper announces, "Here is something that I don't care two figs or a flip about."  If you do not care enough to "market" your work, no one else will care enough to give it a decent grade, to accept the work at all, or to give you a job offer.

STARTING TO WRITE

Often, one of the hardest tasks is to begin writing.  Writers often fret about "writer's block," either they cannot think of ideas or they are reluctant to make that first mark on the paper.  (Other writers say they are overflowing with ideas and just can't decide which to start with.)  As a moose, you may have special problems, but here are some tips:

Since your very first draft is likely to be junk, don't worry about perfection as you write that very rough draft.  You may want to do your first draft in pen or pencil.  Maybe you can duct-tape your pen to your right hoof.  Or, if you prefer to type, you can use a small stick to hit the letters on the keyboard.  The important goal is to put something on paper.

Write this first draft fast.  In short, write it with your HEART and emotions.  Don't slow down to think about, say, what you call the doohickey on a saddle; put "xxx" there until you can track down the word pommel.

After you have finished that awfully rough draft, you are switching gears.  Now you will revise with your HEAD.  Track down each "xxx," do a spell-check, and see if any other obvious errors leap off the page.  Now you may be ready to run a fresh draft – which now constitutes your first draft.

ORGANIZING THEMES AND PAPERS
IN ENGLISH & HUMANITIES

If Hoogoose D. Moose can learn how to write college-level papers, you also can master the few basic skills required to succeed in English Composition I-II, humanities, and literature courses. (Perhaps you have read "Antlers in the Treetops" by Hoogoose D. Moose.)

Organization is the simplest thing in the world to learn, whether you are wandering through the Great North or trying to find your way through a college course: 

·        You put things together that belong together.

·        You leave out what is unnecessary. 

·        You start out with the most important information and end up with the least important facts.

·        You go from the general to the specific and conclude by going back to the general.

When a nervous Hoogoose faced Comp. I, his antlers were shaking.  As most moose did, Hoogoose worried that mysterious techniques were needed to assemble a theme or speech.  The moose in his herd never brought up these matters (their topics being restricted to grass, wolves, and hunters.

Unlike Hoogoose, you may remember that your grade school teacher told you a jingle about theme structure:

Tell them what you're going to tell them.  (Use GENERAL terms.)

Tell them.  (Use SPECIFIC terms, examples, etc.)

Tell them what you told them. (Use GENERAL wording again.)

This jingle simply means the following:

You will need a capsule opening that lets the readers know exactly what they are to read. 

You need a full discussion of each major point; each major point should have its own paragraph. 

If necessary, you may have a few minor points that need to be mentioned, so you may wish to put these in a wrap-up paragraph after your major points. 

Finally, you need a capsule conclusion that reminds the readers what the paper has been about.

This structure works well, whether you are writing a theme or a report or whether you are giving a speech before a class, a civic group or a Moose Lodge.

However, you want to avoid putting your paper into your paper, as you try to implement the "tell them" jingle.  Avoid writing, "I am going to tell you about blah blah blah.  Next, I am going to tell you about blah blah, and--"  For example, at Gettysburg, Lincoln did not say, "This talk will first tell what our forefathers did for this country.  Then it will tell what we've gone through.  Finally, it will put the task in perspective."

Instead, Lincoln's Gettysburg Address accomplished the "tell them" goals without announcing them step by step.  It communicated structure via its choice of topic sentences and via transitional devices:

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now, we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure.  We are met on a great battle field of that war.  We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that this nation might live.  It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

The Paragraph:  If you take a well-written paragraph, you may find that the pattern of "tell them what you're going to tell them" has even been applied to part of the theme.  Class discussion in English classes will point out the following:

    The topic sentence tells the readers what to expect.

    The body of the paragraph (the development) delivers on the promise of the topic sentence.

    The paragraph may conclude with a sentence that reinforces the opening.

You have probably noticed that many fine pieces of writing do not follow exactly the pattern of the jingle.  But you may also notice that the most effective reports or articles have logic and sound organization.  The readers are guided smoothly from point to point.

Your instructor may say, "There may be twenty-five ways to organize a particular paper.  Choose one pattern, and do it right."  One of your classmates may follow a different pattern from the one that you select.  However, if you both expect to be effective, you will have to follow some system of organization.

A Maxim for Your Opening Paragraph:  When you are writing, bear in mind that anything that is true (or likely to be true) is true for at least three reasons. Therefore, any opening statement should be backed up by three facts or ideas, whether you are writing about religion, politics, or another topic:

"God exists because . . . " (1) __________, (2) __________,           (3) _______________.

"God does not exist because . . . " (1) __________, (2) __________, (3) _________

"It is difficult to decide if God exists because . . ."  (1) __________, (2) __________, (3) __________
 

Major Systems of Organization

In the wild, moose concern themselves with the similarities between moose, elk, and other species.  In our technological world, moose probably do not have to worry about magazine editors from New York bothering them at home, asking them to write articles about anything that strikes their fancy.  Perhaps you do not either.  More likely, you are required to do any writing you have to do, perhaps because you have "hired a whip" by signing up for this course to make yourself write better.  Since you will write to please teachers or employers, you will want to follow one of the following patterns of organization:
 
 

 The paper follows the pattern of the following "Add Football" outline; that is, it features a capsule opening (thesis statement), three major paragraphs of development, and a conclusion.

MAIN IDEA:

The community colleges in Florida, while using fiscal safeguards, should  add  intercollegiate football to their athletic programs.

THESIS STATEMENT (main idea, plus 3 major points):

The 28 community colleges in Florida should use fiscal safeguards as they add intercollegiate football to their athletic programs in order to create a feeder-system for the state universities, to enable more athletes to continue their participation in the sport, and to generate school spirit and competition. [How would you break this up into several sentences and make it easier to read?]

DEVELOPMENT OF EACH POINT

  I.  Without significant expense, football programs could provide trained athletes for the Gators, Seminoles, Hurricanes, and Rattlers.  (Topic Sentence)

 A.  California, Mississippi, and other states turn out competent athletes in their junior colleges   at minimum cost and academic disruption.

 B.  The 28 locations in the state could identify and promote athletes with potential.

 C.  The universities' own programs would not be disrupted as much by the loss of senior athletes.

 D.  The colleges could use existing stadiums and fields.

  1.  High school fields could be rented for Saturday games.

  2.  Various bowl stadiums could be utilized at little expense.

 II.  A community college conference would permit lesser skilled athletes to mature and to play longer.
 

 A.  Smaller athletes are often unable to compete against the giants of the universities.

 B.  These athletes may make excellent coaches or physical education instructors and could benefit from the extended exposure to football.

 C.  Some community college players will be able to mature physically enough to make the university teams with ease upon graduation.

 D.  Inexperienced or smaller players would be able to play more in a community college conference.

 III.  The community college system could benefit from the spirit and interest resulting from such a conference.
 

 A.  Well-managed teams could boost morale without costing taxpayers any unnecessary funds.

 B.  Few students have any interest in the other community colleges in the state.

 C.  Football games would encourage students to take more of an interest in their colleges.

CONCLUSION:  A conclusion can take many forms.

First, as recommended, you may simply restate your opening argument (not in the exact words, of course).

Other suggestions:

• Use an anecdote to emphasize your point.
• Evaluate the significance of your recommendations.
• Use a quotation that sums up what you have said.
• If appropriate, give a warning about what might occur if your suggestions are not heeded.
• Point out some steps that can lead to progress, perhaps if only some of your ideas are heeded.
• Suggest some reform or remedial action.
• If you have been talking about the specific, return to the general in your conclusion.

The Ironic Paper and Outline

You have encountered sarcastic friends (or otherwise), who say, "That's a great looking shirt you are wearing."  You can tell by their tone of voice that they mean the opposite of what they say.  In writing, you will find essays written sarcastically or, to be more precise, ironically:  They say one thing, but they have a hidden meaning.  Jonathan Swift, the author of Gulliver's Travels, wrote the most famous ironic essay in the English language, "A Modest Proposal."  In the piece, he calmly argues that British landlords should purchase Irish babies for food.  Dean Swift was really attacking policies that impoverished the Irish.  He argued that the absentee landlords should not mind buying, and eating the babies, since they had, in effect, destroyed the families and homes already.

Now, pay close attention:  You are NOT Jonathan Swift, the dean of St. Patrick's Cathedral.  If you do become as famous as Michael Jackson, Paul McCartney, and Stephen King, the public will beg to see anything you write (or perform).

Until you reach such exalted status, keep the following in mind:

The ironic essay, talk, or memorandum is DANGEROUS for you.  It packs dynamite that is most likely to injure YOU if you use it.

Why is this?

Let us imagine that Hoogoose D. Moose wishes to run for governor of Florida, and he tries to use an argument similar to Swift's:  He would solve the problem of poverty in Florida by, say, selling x-number of children for food.  If Hoogoose came in at the bottom of the polls, no one would pay much attention to him and his irony.  However, if Hoogoose ranked first, second, or third, the dynamite would explode in this manner:

• Some people are unable to detect irony.  They will take the writer or speaker literally.  ("Well, heck, that's what he SAID, isn't it?")
• Hoogoose's opponents will pretend to take his ironic suggestion seriously, and they will weep and wail about the babies in their attacks.  ("Good Lord, eat babies?  The Bible says 'thou shalt not kill.' How does Mr. Moose expect the babies to be turned into food?")
• A third group may not really care about the rhetorical device, but will simply attack Hoogoose for his thinking:  "What kind of sick mind would even come up that?  We need a normal-thinking American in the governor's office, not some mentally deranged moose!"

Although you may not run for governor one day, you may be in a race for a promotion within a corporation or public agency.  Avoid irony and sarcasm in your memoranda and reports since your competition will take you seriously and perhaps argue that Acme Corporation should promote Hoogoose D. Moose instead of you with your sick mind.  Follow these principles when you write (or speak):
 

            Say what you mean.

            Mean what you say.

            And don't be mean when you say it.

Even with the dangers of irony, you will see from this outline that it uses familiar organizing principles:
 

 

All politicians should be hanged after one term in office. (Main idea of proposed paper)

All politicians should be hanged after one term in office in order to reduce corruption, to entertain the electorate, and to discourage civic nuisances.  (Thesis statement:  main idea plus three reasons why the main idea is valid.)

  I.  The systematic hanging of politicians would reduce the amount of corruption.  (Topic sentence of paragraph)

 A.  Hanging would prevent politicians from basing lengthy careers on bribery, theft, and graft.

 B.  Politicians usually take more than one term to discover all the ways to cheat the public.

  C.  Taxpayers would be able to tolerate the small amount of cheating done by inexperienced one-termers.

 D.  Special interest groups would not try as hard to compromise an office-holder who was soon going to be twisting slowly, slowly in the wind.

 II.  Political hangings could rank with boxing, racing, and football as popular spectator sports.  (Topic sentence of paragraph)
 

 A.  Victims could inspire the spectators by dying nobly in the tradition of Mary Queen of Scots, Sir Walter Raleigh, King Charles I, and Nathan Hale.

 B.  The victims' last statements would bring them immortality.

 C.  Hangings could be conducted in coliseums, small theaters, or shopping center parking lots.

 D.  Hanging techniques could be assigned points for skill and grace, as is done in diving, gymnastics, and skating.

III.  A systematic program of hanging politicians would remove many civic nuisances and discourage others from being offensive. (Topic sentence)

 A.  Political in-fighting would decrease drastically.

  1.  Factions would not build up around personalities.

  2.  Office-holders would be disinterested in cronyism, favoritism, and factious behavior.

 B.  The current rascals probably would not run for office in order to avoid swinging from a rope.

 C.  Hanging would satisfy the public's subconscious lust for blood, thus reducing violence in the home and on the street.

Comparison and Contrast Themes

You compare and contrast every day to justify preferences and to point out meaningful connections between products, people, concepts, or objects. Comparison-contrast also serves the voter, the businessperson, the sports fan, the historian, or the consumer.  Therefore, you need to master the organization of a comparison-contrast paper.

You want to avoid the mistakes of poor writers who leave the brainwork to the reader by throwing together a pile of material without working out the similarities or differences.  For example, in an examination of two likely presidential candidates, a poor writer discusses Al Gore for several sentences and then switches without apparent reason to a discussion of Texas George Bush, Pat Buchanan, or Ralph Nader.

Of course, being a good writer, you know that the "tell them what you are going to tell them" pattern works even for comparison-contrast.  You first tell the reader you are going to compare, say, the two candidates' positions on Defense, Social Issues, or Environment.

For your purposes, the best way of organizing a comparison-contrast paper is the point-by-point comparison.  The following highlights may help:
 
 

Brain Surgery vs. Plumbing

Although brain surgeons have greater social prestige than the men who wield the plungers (germ 1), plumbers are more valuable to society (main idea) because their services are more in demand (germ 2) and because they keep society well regulated (germ 3).

 Few people would deny  that surgeons command more respect than plumbers.  For instance, a Gallup poll revealed . . .

The Neurotic Cartoon Animal

For neurotic and egotistical cartoon animals, the real Donald Duck wins out over such self-indulgent pen-and-ink irritations as Snoopy, Garfield, and Marmaduke.  Donald triumphs as a fine example of a selfish, cantankerous anthropomorphic creature, more interested in having his own way than being the slave of his food dish.

Remember:  Regardless of whatever you are comparing,  keep them both in your mind at the same time when you write sentences.   This technique helps to ensure that the comparison and contrast are sensible.

The Business or Government Report

Businesses and governmental agencies produce many lengthy reports during a typical year, and you will find that they follow a variation on the football organizational pattern.  Here are the main features:
 

• A brief introduction tells who produced the report, what the report is supposed to study, and what is the authority for the report.
• An introductory section will be labeled "INTRODUCTION" or "MAJOR SUGGESTIONS."  Then the report will quickly list, say, ten major suggestions made in the report.
• The body of the report devotes a major paragraph or section (perhaps several pages) to each major suggestion.  It also includes the supporting data to back up the recommendations.
• Finally, the paper will have a conclusion, often again labeled "RECOMMENDATIONS."  This section will repeat the recommendations, using different sentence structure.

What does this structure do?

• It tells the readers what it is going to tell them.
• It backs up its statements with data.
• And it re-emphasizes what it was telling the readers.

 Busy lawmakers or business men and women may be unable to read completely every available report.  However, they can check the major recommendations.  (Many offices demand that memoranda be only one page in length; in effect, for routine memos, they only want the capsule opening, plus the list of recommendations.  If you are told to keep your memos short, you need to keep the full report in your files or in your head long enough to justify your "one-page" memo.)

Newspapers and Their Five "W's"

You have been told that the lead (first paragraph) of a newspaper story has the Five "W's" and sometimes an "H."  They stand for Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How.  A good news article repeatedly tells the Five "W's" whenever it gives information.  In fact, you can improve your own writing by making certain that you also tell who, what, when, where, why, and how.  It makes for more specific writing. (Check any composition handbook for further discussion of the Five "W's.")

At first glance, it may seem that a newspaper article avoids much of the "tell them" jingle and pattern, because well-written articles use an inverted pyramid system of organization.  However, you will find that the inverted pyramid and the "tell them" jingle reinforce each other in several places.

For example, the headline and opening paragraph of a news article tell readers what the story is going to tell them.  When the Five "W's" are given, the readers are told the specific details that a college report also gives.  But the news story usually does not have a summary conclusion that "tells them what you told them."

Why?  The inverted pyramid term means that a story goes from its most important facts to the least important ones.  A news story is designed to be cut from the bottom, whether the story is written by a reporter for a local newspaper or for a wire service.

Here is a news lead from 1963:

DALLAS, Nov. 22 (AP)--A gunman assassinated President Kennedy from ambush today with a high-powered rifle.  Nearly 12 hours later, a 24-year-old man who professed love for Russia was charged with murder.

 The charge was filed against Lee Harvey Oswald, 24. Officers said he was the man who hid on the fifth floor of a textbook warehouse and snapped off three quick shots that killed President Kennedy and wounded Gov. John B. Connally of Texas.

Even though the early reports on that tragic day back in 1963 did not have all the facts that became available over the next few days, they, nonetheless, touched base with the Five "W's" or let the readers know why, say, the Why was not given.

The Narrative Structure

Some newspaper writing, some reports, and many stories use a structure that looks something like this:

 *-------*-------*----------*--------*-----------*

The poet-novelist John Masefield called an action novel Odtaa because it used the above structure.  Odtaa stands for "one damned thing after another."  In other words, the writer may tell in a chronological order exactly what happened.  You might be requested to write a report using the Odtaa format if, say, part of the roof fell and beaned your instructor and a couple of classmates.  Safety inspectors, attorneys, and the authorities might want to know what happened and when.  Like Sergeant Joe Friday on the Dragnet re-runs on cable TV, they will want, "Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts."

You also find the Odtaa pattern in such stories/films as The African Queen, Star Trek XVII:  Old Codgers in Space, and The Wizard of Oz.

A writer of fiction may want to add suspense to a story, but the Odtaa pattern probably still will be used.
 
 

Controlled Interview Format

Since people are interested in other people, you may also encounter the "interview" assignment.  An instructor or employer may ask you to interview one individual or a group of people.  One approach is to use the Question-and-Answer approach of magazine interviews.  Be sure to research your topic well and to have a good list of questions, since you do not want to fumble about, trying to decide what question to ask next.  You may also be asked to write an introduction or coversheet to explain the highpoints of the interview ("tell them what you're going to tell them").

Studs Terkel in such books as Working uses a modified interview format.  For example, he omits his questions and edits the remarks of the speaker so that the readers feel they are reading essays.  They have enough organization about them so that readers aren't confused, and they have the spontaneity and freshness of conversation.  Terkel also provides introductory sections in which he gives overviews of what each group has said.

This approach is also similar to writing reports of casework (useful for students in the social sciences).
 

Vertical Writing

Just as the Odtaa pattern earlier may be called "horizontal writing," you should know that in fiction, when you "sink shafts" into people's minds, you are engaging in "vertical writing."  This type of writing features characters simply chatting along; the readers are forced to make any connections.

You should avoid this style, since it typically disorients the readers and only works well in "art films" and so-called sophisticated stories.
 
 

Stream of Consciousness

In some respects, stream of consciousness may resemble vertical writing.  This category features one pouring out any thought that occurs.  Thoughts (or sentences) may flow in this manner:  "Classroom   . . . chalkboard. . . green. . . grass. . .seeds, cut, trim. . . haircut," etc.

Such writing may be useful to provide material for study for psychologists, but you should not inflict it upon the public or your teachers.  Pardon the image, but it's too much like vomiting on the paper.  Unless you become famous or infamous, the public will not have the patience to wade through disorder:  it only encourages self-indulgence.

What are the Qualities of a Good Paper?

If you wonder what makes one paper good and another only average, you may find the answer in these essay ratings  from the State of Florida's CLAST office:

BEST PAPER:  Writer purposely and effectively develops a thesis.  Writer uses relevant details, including concrete examples, that clearly support generalizations.  Paragraphs carefully follow an organizational plan and are fully developed and tightly controlled.  A wide variety of sentences occur, indicating that the writer has facility in the use of language and that the diction is distinctive.  Appropriate transitional words and phrases or other techniques make the essay coherent.  Few errors in syntax, mechanics, and spelling occur.

ABOVE AVERAGE PAPER:  Writer develops a thesis but may occasionally lose sight of purpose.  Writer uses some relevant and specific details that adequately support generalizations.  Paragraphs generally follow an organizational pattern and are usually unified and developed.  Sentences are often varied, and diction is usually appropriate.  Some transitions are used, and parts are usually related to each other in an orderly manner.  Syntactical, mechanical, and usage errors may occur but usually do not affect clarity.

AVERAGE PAPER:  Writer develops a thesis, but the essay shows little, if any, sense of purpose.  Writer uses a limited number of details, but they often do not support generalizations.  Paragraphs may relate to the thesis but often will be vague, underdeveloped, or both.  Sentences lack variety and are often illogical, poorly constructed, or both.  Diction is pedestrian.  Transitions are used infrequently, mechanically, and erratically.  Numerous errors may occur in syntax, mechanics, and usage and frequently distract from clarity.

BELOW AVERAGE OR POOR PAPER:  Writer's thesis and organization are seldom apparent, but, if present, they are unclear, weak, or both.  Writer uses generalizations for support, and details, when included, are usually ineffective.  Undeveloped, ineffective paragraphs do not support the thesis.  Sentences are usually illogical, poorly constructed, or both.  They usually consist of a series of subjects and verbs with an occasional complement.  Diction is simplistic and frequently not idiomatic.  Transitions and coherence devices, when discernible, are usually inappropriate.  Syntactical, mechanical, and usage errors abound and impede communication.

Hoogoose D. Moose's father frequently went around saying, "I've just finished my English Comp.  Thank God, I'll never have to use English again.  Now I can write what I want to write . . . and I don't want to write nothing." That was a double negative, a fatal error, so naturally a member of the National Pistol, Rifle, and Derringer Association promptly shot him.

Such attitudes are common among freshman moose in higher education.  In his or her second semester, however, an enlightened moose realizes that being understood is important in all classes, species, and activities.  An employer, for example, may grumble, "I'm paying good money to this moose, and he won't even use a dictionary.  And he wants a promotion?  Plus, he's saying that he wants to be a good role model for other employees?"

A humanities instructor (or an instructor in science, physical education, etc.) may grade down a paper that is filled with spelling and grammatical problems.  Typical remarks from instructors:  "We require college-level writing in this course."  One instructor may mark your paper "revise and resubmit" until it reaches college-level; another teacher, depending on time and other factors, may just fail the paper.  Successful moose always strive to achieve college-level work.

A digression here:  Successful moose take pride in their racks and in their ability to be good role models.  They refer to this as "rack and role."
 
 

An Approach to Writing for the Humanities

Although you may not believe that you use the same principles for writing papers in English as for other courses, the concepts do carry over.  In humanities, for example, you present your ideas in an orderly manner; you dig deeply into yourself for your own feedback and reactions; and you use specific detail to support your positions.

HERE IS AN IMPORTANT PRINCIPLE FOR ALL CLASSES:   If your instructor requires a specific focus for a paper, make sure you cover that focus.  For example, if you are asked to write about occupational implements that are depicted in paintings or sculpture, you may locate a work involving, say, blacksmiths.  However, do not just mention in passing that part of the picture had a smithy and an anvil; instead, DISCUSS what you see.  Certainly, avoid writing about a work that either lacks the required focus.  (The training is useful on the job since you know you can complete some required project instead of saying, "Well, instead of doing the Krankenheimer account, I wrote a poem, so here goes --")

Let's look at a paper by Hoogoose.  He started off shakily, but settled down to discuss some great works of art.  (Don't go looking for these works, however.)

Hoogoose D. Moose
1234 Elkton Trail
Deerfield, FL 322xx
April 1, 200-
 
 

SPECIALL EXHIBITS FOR MOOSES

   As the director of the First Coast Moose Museum of Florida, I recognized that the First Coast is not doing enough to stress the classicism of the meese who have live in the area.  a moose believes in order and stability, but the museums do'nt get exhibits that reflect the glorious history of my species.  For these reason, I am purchasing these items for our museum:

     I.  The museum should boast a fine oil painting by Leonardo De Moose (1450-1475), who portrayed a mysterious creature in a work entitled Moosa Lisa.  The enigmatic smile of the female has inspired poets and other painters throughout the ages.  Moose, who was killed in  a hunt in 1475, completed this work in about 1470.  In the foreground, Moosa Lisa sits with a veil dangling from her antlers.  Her hooves are resting comfortably in front of her, saying to the viewer that she is in harmony with the universe.  However, in the middleground, we see distressing signs:  an Italian Rifle Association billboard says, "Kill All Mooses," while in the background you can barely read another sign that says, "The only good moose is a dead moose."  The work, therefore, depicts the contrast between Moosa Lisa's natural tranquility and the harsh reality of life in Renaissance Italy for a moose.

 II.  Hoopoka's Mother, painted in 1650 by Hoopoka da Polecatta (Italian, 1600-1670), is an oil painted on wood panels.  Our museum should buy the artist's poignant recollection of his mother.  She sits in profile with the business end of her tail signaling that she was serious about herself and her responsibilities.  A swirl of colors dominates the foreground and middleground from the flowers surrounding her.  Bright yellows of the daisies and the reds of morning-glories contrast with her dark black, shiny fur.  The painter is probably just portraying his mother, without any deeper reference being intended.  However, the viewer must note the irony between the scent of the flowers and what the mother is about to produce.

  III.  The museum should boast a fine sculpture by  Italy's Mooseangelo (1470-1502), who portrayed a fine figure of a moose in a work entitled David as Moose.  David is depicted as a moose; therefore, his head features the finest rack that you will ever see.  The antlers sweep through the sky and any viewer is bound to wonder about the span.  The entire statue is probably about 18 feet high, but the rack measures nine feet wide.  Mooseangelo has carved each hair of the hide with great detail, and the stone duplicates the areas where skin peeks through on the underbelly.  Since this David was supposed to go up against some type of Goliath, one can only wonder about the fairness of it all.  After all, Goliath was supposed to be a giant, yet David himself is a giant.  A note on the museum wall said the sculpture was  inspired by an ancient Greek statue. . . .

Upgrading Your Diction

In English, there are two categories of communication:  written English and spoken English.  These two differ substantially; they are almost different languages in many respects.  (All languages have their written and spoken versions.)

When American English is written, it should be concise and natural.  It should remind the readers of good spoken English without being like spoken English.  A court reporter, for example, may come up with these spoken responses:

Oh, when?  I felt that Jones . . . the one next door I mentioned a few minutes ago.  Not the one from work.  He appeared after it could have been noon I guess or somewhere about then I think. Elliott Jones, yeah, that's his name.  It wasn't, not that I was watching a clock or anything, because I had things on my mind.  It wasn't before noon anyway.

That little passage should demonstrate that spoken English needs gesture and intonation to you to make definite sense of its phrases.

To encourage you to upgrade your vocabulary and to choose more substantial words, the instructor has outlawed several words or constructions in your written work.
 
 

Outlawed Words and Fatal Errors

A moose in college may encounter special problems when he or she must write papers and give speeches.  As you may imagine, moose in the wild rarely give major addresses.  The males are inclined more to bang each other in the head now and then. Domesticated moose often succeed in their version of Scrabble, but, to them, it's a novel experience when they make the words dog, cat, and gun. 

Any humans reading this guide for moose may be helped by the following techniques, which are designed to expand the vocabulary and to encourage variety and imagery in speeches and papers.  Many of the expressions below are discussed in any composition handbook.  You may to click on Harbrace for a guide to the numbers put on papers, especially in the Glossary of Usage section.
 

 
 1.  Avoid any form of the verb get. (Diction; overuse of word)

 2.  Avoid a lot, plenty, quite a bit, or a great deal (and variations thereof) to refer to amount.  A lot may only designate an area of ground; a great deal, a hand of cards; a great bit, the end of a drill.  Do not use a large amount.  Instead, say "I had much trouble" or "Several fans attended the game" (even better:  "Dozens of fans attended the game").

 3. Another overused word is nice:  "A nice man drove a nice car to a nice party, where nice people had nice conversations."  Do not use nice.  It's not nice to fool with such empty words.

 4. Avoid linking verbs.   When a paper is filled with linking verbs, the paper inevitably has these problems:

    --The sentences are likely to be wordy and "Dick and Janey":  "Dick looked at the house.  The house was old.  The house was white.  The house was on the corner," etc.

    --The paper often lacks an interesting flow because the sentences are monotonous and often use the same subject and verb.

    --The paper may be static and focusing on "conditions."

    --Since the sentences do not have an "actor" performing any action, the paper may just sit there.

So, for these and other reasons, every fourth linking verb will count as a fatal error.  Instead of such weak verbs as is, are, was, were, will be, shall be, would be, seems to be, happens to be, etc., you should find verbs that have meaning and impact.  Make your verbs snap, crackle, and pop, if possible.

A linking verb merely pins a label on a docile subject via a predicate adjective ("The house is light green") or a predicate nominative ("Bill Nelson is a senator").

However, for Silly Mistake No. 1, do not simply omit the linking verb, since you will create a fragment ("The house light green," "Bob Graham a senator").  This creates a major error, whereas formerly you may have only had a weak verb.  Instead, reframe the sentence and use action verbs:  "The light green house dominated the hilltop" and "Senator Graham represented Florida."

Silly Mistake No. 2: Use action verbs means to make your verbs snap, crackle, and pop.  It does not mean to take, say, "It is here," and change it to "It are here."

You should also avoid has, have, and had as lone verbs, although they may be necessary as helping verbs.

What is the difference between helping verbs and linking verbs?  You will find the answer in your handbook, but here is a quick explanation:
 

LINKING: "George was in bed all day." (Linking verb stands alone.)

HELPING: "Harriet has been working all day." (They "help" working.)

Composition students will need to remove as many linking verbs as possible at all stages of revision.

5.  Do not water down your verbs with unnecessary would's.  No one wants to read "I would eat breakfast, would have two eggs, and would run out to catch my ride," when you meant to say, "On a typical morning, I gobble my breakfast of two eggs, toast and coffee and then run to catch my ride."

Also, used to rarely needs to be put before past tense verbs: e.g., "I used to gobble my breakfast of two eggs, toast, and coffee and used to run for my ride back in the days when I worked for a living."  Again, just hit the verb directly.

Avoid using progressive verb tenses, unless they are required to make a point.  Some progressive verbs are the following:  "am running," "was running," "have been running," "had been running."  To make a point about your activities on a particular day, you may need to say, "I am running the 440 today" or "I can't whistle now because I'm eating crackers."  Some activity is occurring, and you wish to bring attention to it.  At other times, however, a sentence may be cleaner if it uses a simple verb:  "I run," "I ran," "I have run," etc.

Avoid using unnecessary "began to" or "started to" constructions.  If you are talking about long delays and dilly-dallying (say, about a student unable to make himself or herself start a paper), then "began to" may be necessary.  However, most often we can change "Jim began to mow the grass before going to town" to "Jim mowed the grass before going to town."

6.  Do not misuse or overuse always.  This word means "forever," not simply "usually" or "often."  If you mean often, write often.  (Just do not use it too often.)

7.  You may not use really and very except in one case out of a hundred.  These are "talking words," used primarily to help us keep a cadence in our speech as we search for other words.  In writing, they are rarely needed.

 8.  You exist "in society," so omit the expression unless you are FAXing a paper in from the moon or Mars.  Editors and teachers despair when they encounter articles or papers repeatedly saying "blah blah in our society," "in our complex society," or (the ultimate in excessive verbiage) "in our modern complex society in which we live today."  If you are using present tense and referring to people, you are automatically writing about our society.

9.  PAINT A PICTURE.  Do not refer to every object as it, this, thing, something, anything and individuals as only he or she.  Every third use of it in a normal-sized paragraph will count as a fatal error.
 
 

WRITE LIKE A CAMERA,
AND WRITE LIKE A TAPE RECORDER.

When you write, the instructor wants you to imagine that you are a camera.  On paper, you should try to capture as many pictures or images that you can.  You should also function like a tape recorder, trying to let your reader hear the snap, pop, and crackle of our world.  You also have other useful senses, so--

Research involves a combination

of your views,
organization of material,
and proper citation of quoted material

As the heading above says, any assignment involving research will have several requirements.  In all cases, the papers must be grammatical.  College-work must be of college quality.  In addition, the instructor may wish to see you demonstrate your reasoning ability concerning a topic (as opposed to your thinking).

Hoogoose, for example, had a cousin who frequently acted on impulse.  One day he wondered what would happen if he appeared on the dais of the National Psychotic Moose-Killers Association.  He gave them a raspberry, and 2,973 conventioneers, each armed with laser-guided subnuclear Uzis, opened fire and left on the stage some fur, a hoof particle, and two chunks from his antlers.

Thus, with that sad anecdote in mind, you will need to use some coherent system of reasoning.

Your instructor is using The New York Times as a library resource or research tool, and a key element of the assignment is your ability to understand the significance of what you are reading and your ability to organize the material so that John Q. Moose can understand your conclusions.

The following student themes will provide models for you to follow.  These examples are not perfect; thus, you may spot some flaws in presentation or coherence.
 

HOOPOKA D. POLECATTA
ENC 1101 N-2
April 1, 2001

Dastardly Deeds in The New Moose Times

A close review of three editions of The New Moose Times on April 1, 1857, 1887, 1897, discloses shocking accounts of murder, suicides, rape, and child abuse.  Although the severity of the crimes during these decades do not rival the butcheries that are reported in detail in tabloids today, these acts were brutal and inhuman enough.  Their motives strike a familiar note:  money, adultery, intoxication, temporary insanity, and domestic difficulties.  Although most cases involved anonymous criminals and victims, readers today will recognize one infamous and gory case.

On Thursday, April 1, 1857, The Times featured one account each of suicide, child abuse, and burglary and murder.  According to "Drowning Discovered" on page two, the suicide, Mary Mabee, was only eighteen years of age, when she drowned herself in a dock nearby her home, in Philadelphia.  The newspaper was not very detailed in its account of this tragedy; however, it did state that "domestic difficulties" prompted the suicide.

Child abuse, which was ignored for decades, today has moved to the forefront on the agendas of social workers, legislators, and law enforcement officers.  However, even in a  time when neighbors looked the other way while parents avoided sparing the rod and spoiling the child, many parents crossed the line of stern discipline into the area of child abuse.  As an example, "Most Foul and Cruel Mother" told about an incident in New Moose City. A woman was brought into the "Eleventh Ward Station House for cruelly beating her own child, and jumping upon and choking it."  Police felt that, if the mother had not been interrupted, she would have killed the child.  "She was in a state of intoxication."  The judge had committed her to await the results of the injuries.

"Floating Lawlessness" reported that burglary and murder were perpetrated aboard a "packet-ship Thomas Watson," which eventually docked at New Moose City.  Three men boarded the ship and robbed the first mate of his watch and money.  The story reported that "a private watchman, Charles Baxter, clenched one of the thieves and they scuffled for a few minutes."  The thief then broke free and shot Baxter in the neck, "ending his life instantly."  The murderer and his accomplices "then leaped into a small boat and fled. . . .   The robbers were not satisfied with the deed of blood already committed, and the carrying off of the mate's watch and money."  But they proceeded up the river, where they entered another vessel.  The captain of the ship, however, heard them enter the cabin and sounded the alarm.  The robbers were then apprehended, and the murderer of Baxter was identified "by his shoes, which he left behind him in his fight."

The frequency of crimes reported from 1857 to 1887 increased substantially.

On Saturday, April 1, 1887, the paper reported one execution for rape, one "criminal abortion," and six murders.  "Rapist Hanged" was about an incident in New Castle, Delaware, where James Reeding alias "Jim Loat" was hanged for the rape of a twelve-year-old girl named Sallie Slipper.  The story said, "He was twenty-one, and he had earned a bad reputation in his hometown."  While Sallie's parents were working, Reeding entered into her home and asked Sallie for something to eat.  After he had eaten, "he forcibly outraged Sallie, who resisted with all her strength."

On the following evening, he was arrested.  Although threats of a lynching were made, Reeding was given a fair trial.  During his imprisonment, Reeding talked freely about his crime and maintained "that it was seduction and not rape."

In another case, "Abortion Death Occurs" told about Jennie Noolybongerheim, who died in her hometown of Providence, Rhode Island, of septic peritonitis that resulted from "a criminal abortion.

Many murders occurred on this date in 1887.  For example, in New Orleans, a deputy sheriff was shot and instantly killed by a young man named Edwards.  The story on page three, "Deputy Killed in N.O.," said they had quarreled at a dance the previous night.  When they met that morning, they commenced firing at each other.

"Death in the Cards" was a story about an incident in Alma, Arkansas. Several men were playing cards, they began to argue.  A man named Simpson stabbed two men to death.  The newspaper said that "at last accounts Simpson was in the hands of a mob, and is believed to have already been lynched."

In Oddsbottom, Vermont, James Harcourt, "a pauper," aged seventy-three, was arrested and put in jail on the charge of criminally assaulting an old lady at the poor farm.  According to "Ruffian Kills Woman," a story on page five, "The woman had heart trouble and died from the effects of the attack."

Two other murders committed on this date were associated with intoxication, with one incident in New York and the other in North Carolina.  "Drink Has Deadly Kick in It" on page one reported that William Moregill entered a hotel bar, in Forestmount, New York, and demanded a beer.  The young girl behind the bar refused to sell to him because he was already drunk.  Moregill then began to abuse her verbally, "using the most filthy and obscene language."  Four men then grabbed Moregill, pushed him to the floor and proceed to kick him.  Soon afterward, Moregill died.  After an inquest, the coroner reported the cause of the death as being "due to the rupture of a blood vessel in his brain, caused by [the victim's] being violently kicked."  The district attorney was conducting a thorough investigation.

On the last page of the paper, a small article entitled, "Husband Kills Wife," reports that in Raleigh, North Carolina, a woman named Mrs. Pertwhistle was" barbarously beaten" and kicked to death by her husband.  The newspaper stated the "Mr. Pertwhistle was drunk at the time of the incident."

"Poisoner Executed in SC" on page two reported that in Aiken, South Carolina, Robert Costerford was hanged on this date for the premeditated murder of his wife by poisoning.  Evidence was provided to the court that proved "five days prior to her death he purchased strychnine from the village drugstore."  Costerford said he had bought the lethal drug to kill dogs.  Yet, when Mrs. Costerford's stomach was removed, the coroner found three-fourths of the drug in it.

The Times stated that "it was known in the neighborhood in which Mrs. Costerford lived that her married life had been unhappy and that her husband, was the lover of Harriet Bates, a widow with whom he had been criminally intimate.

Although the crime rate certainly increased form 1887 to 1897, on Friday, April 1, 1897, the only big case truly known to 20th Century readers is that of Lizzie Borden, the lady who gave her parents "forty whacks" with an ax.  A hearing for Lizzie Borden was being held in Fall River, Massachusetts, and of course, dominated the front page news.  The Times said that "never in the history of this section has a criminal trial attracted the interest manifested at the opening today of the preliminary hearing of Lizzie Borden," who was charged with the atrocious murder of her father and stepmother.  A crowd of reporters, clergymen, and attorneys waited outside the courthouse, but only "those of influence were let in."

The Times stated that the "feature of the day was the great calmness exhibited by Lizzie Borden."  Several times during witnesses' testimony, she thought something that was said was amusing and laughed out loud; "even at the recital of the gory details of the butchery of her parents, she showed no emotion."

The medical examiner, the main witness of the day, testified and underwent cross examination for about seven hours.  While on the stand, he outlined the intricate, bloody details of the murdered couple's death.

Another tragedy announced on this date was the suicide of Lawton Hogsdale.  "While temporarily insane he shot himself in the brain."  The newspaper stated that he was a well-known man in Mount Airy, North Carolina, where he was "for many years Commissioner of Wrecks and Pilots."

These three issues of The New Moose Times reveal that crimes increased greatly from 1857 to 1887.  Undoubtedly, the crime rate was greater in 1897; however, the newspaper was focused on Lizzie Borden's  hearing. The increasing severity of crimes was most likely due to the increase in population.

Another cause for the increase could have been upgraded communication systems.  In 1857 most stories of crimes committed in other cities were reported by letters; however, in 1887, they were reported by telegraphs.  Although there is no way to be certain, many severe-to-minor crimes probably went unreported.  One thing for sure is that the "good old days" were not as good as we like to imagine them.  Each era has experienced tranquility  and tumult.

                                                                                                words 1458

This class was required to do three issues from the 1800's.  Note how the paper uses the headlines to help identify stories.
 

Hoogoose D. Moose
1234 Elkton Trl.
Deerfield, FL 322--

FRONT PAGE POLITICS IN THE NEW MOOSE TIMES

The research of The New Moose Times on April 1, 1947, 1917 and 1877 revealed many important political articles in 1947 and 1917.  In 1877 the front page appeared to be merely a gossip column rather than a national newspaper.  However, in the later issues, President Harry S. Trumoose (1945-1953) and Woodrow W. Antlerson (1913-1921) were front page news.  Since the front page of the newspaper on April 1, 1877, did not mention the president, it took a check of a history book to reveal that Rutherford B. Hayeater (1877-1881) was in the office of president. World politics and affairs were made accessible to readers in 1917 and 1947.  In 1877 if a reader was looking for political information, The New Moose Times was not the paper to peruse.

This research began on the April 1, 1947 edition of The New Moose Times.  The front page headlines were of the upcoming presidential elections between the incumbent, President Trumoose, the Demomoosic Party candidate, and New York Governor Thomas E. Dewlap, the Anti-Moose Party candidate.  The newspaper mentioned a third political party at this time, the Progressive Party, whose candidate, Henry Elkhorn, turned out to be inconsequential to the presidential race.  The edition did not mention the Moosiecrates, a fourth party, which was made up of Southern Democrats who objected to their party's civil rights program.  This party won the electoral votes of four Southern states.

One front page article stated,  "United and confident the Anti-Mooses faced a sharply divided Demomoosic Party."  Every public opinion poll predicted that Dewlap would win a landslide victory.

An article reported that Governor Dewlap "promises action to back up policy for peace."  Dewlap also stated he would not be bullied by the Slovenlies.  During this time, the United States and the Slovenly Union were involved in the early struggles of the Cold War.

Dewlap also criticized the Department of Justice for failure to call witnesses in a grand jury investigation into law violations by the Commonist Party leaders.  He declared, "There will be no Communists--and no mediocrity--in our government after January 20th."

The issues revealed the roller-coaster ride that American-Slovenly relations have experienced over the years.  For example, in 1917 Slovenly had recently been an ally of the United States.  After the Antler Revolution in 1917, the Slovenly government withdrew Russian soldiers, who had been fighting with America and our European allies against the Kaiser's troops.  During World War II came to an end, but he also claimed a major position in history by being the first president to drop  an atomic bomb on an enemy, the event in July of 1945 that ended the war.

President Trumoose, with many burdens on his shoulders, had to make both popular and unpopular decisions.  Some decisions were so unpopular that, except for Trumoose himself, few persons believed he could win the 1947 presidential election.

In April of 1947, Harry Trumoose was in the process of making experts look ridiculous by traveling 31,000 miles by train in a "whistle stop campaign and making more than 350 speeches in 18 states.  The outcome of the election was discussed in an issue other than the one examined for this paper, but any "Give  'Em Hell, Harry" fan knows that this election became one of the biggest upsets in political history.  Practically every American history textbook contains a picture of a grinning Trumoose holding up a copy of The Chicago Daily Moose-Call, which had prematurely printed "Dewlap Defeats Trumoose" as the front page story!

Trumoose also helped the Jewish people to establish a homeland in Israel.  In March 1947 Israel had become a country.  However, three days after Israel was formed, the Arab countries around her declared war and attacked.  This on-going conflict was discussed in the April 1947 issue, which reported that both Arabs and Jews had withheld cooperation from a truce supervision organization and placed obstacles in the way of its effectiveness.

During World War I, British troops captured Jerusalem from the Turks.  This act was the beginning of a national homeland from the Jews in Palestine, the Holy Land.  This act linked 1917 and 1947 for the Jewish race.

The French figured significantly in the issues examined.  For example, with a dateline from Paris, France, on April 1, 1947, an article stated,  "DeMoose Assails West's Army Plan."  The article quoted President Charles DeMoose's criticism of the Western European plan outlined by Defense Ministers of Britain, France, the Netherlands, Luxembourg, and Belgium:  "Europe must be defended in Europe, and not in London."

The United States and France were allies in both World War II and World War I.  In 1917 the French and Americans fought side by side in the Argonne Forest area, overcoming German defenses.  The 1917 Times reported:  "Never before has an operation been conducted on such a scale and everywhere the enemy is retreating."  That statement, when compared to news of April 1, 1947 emphasizes how minute the passage of time actually is.

By strong contrast, The New Moose Times in April 1877 gave no news of any foreign country in which to relate to 1917 or 1947.  Instead, it focused on domestic stories of politics, trade, and the usual murder and mayhem found in typical issues.  The United States then, or course, had only ended the Civil War in 1865, a mere thirteen years before.  Although America's energies were going into a major expansion the West, we know the U.S. would not engage in significant foreign actions until this expansion past its climax.

In World War II, America reached the peak of its powers, and, when the war ended, other erstwhile major powers were lift in shambles.  For this reason, we notice in April of 1947 the Slovenly Union and the United States were engaged in the Cold War.  In previous decades and centuries, Britain, France, or Germany would have been the forces contending with the Russians.  The Communists had gained control over the nation after another in Eastern Europe.  President Trumoose realized the United States must lead the fight for freedom, giving all her support to the war-torn allied nations of Europe.  The parallelism of April 1917 saw these two nations fighting together to stop the Central Power's aggressiveness; hence, 1947 locked these same two countries against each other on would issues.

On April 1, 1947, Andrei Y. Moosesky, Slovenly Deputy Foreign Minister, was asserting "Never, never," would the Slovenly Union accept the plan for atomic control backed by the West.  He opposed and plan that meant binding of the Slovenly had and foot and giving the United States control of the world economy.

Slovenly diplomats had given broad hints on atomic weapons.  Moosesky told the United Nations General Assembly that both Governor Dewlap and President Trumoose were proponents for an aggressive atomic energy policy under the illusion that the United States enjoyed a monopoly on atomic secrets.

In contrast to the 1947 atomic bomb, the most feared new methods of warfare during World War I were tanks, airplanes, grenades, field artillery, submarines, and poison gas.

The New Moose Times' front page of April 1, 1877 did not mention the President of the United States.  The newspaper did not bother with the smaller disputes of colonies dealing with French and British merchants and soldiers, and the newspaper felt that it was not worthwhile for it to devote coverage to events only of interest to Europeans.  In addition, the United States was in deliberate isolation from the other countries, apparently as our leaders were heeding George Washington's final advice for America to avoid foreign entanglements.

As the United Sates expanded, American were making progress in some social areas.  For example, on April 1, 1917, the newspaper reported that the Susan B. Anthony Suffrage amendment to the constitution had been defeated on the Senate floor on this day.  Using the hindsight of 1986, one muses that, if these men could only have known the impact women would make on the world in future generations, Congressmen would have passed the 19th Amendment much earlier.  However, it took these "fairly intelligent" men only a little over forty years to finally pass this amendment!  With just a small amount of mathematical calculating, the year 1877 would be the start of women's suffrage.

If women were lacking rights in the 1800's, so were the American Indians.  The front page of The New Moose Times of April 1, 1977 mentioned disputes over the railroads wanting to use Indian reservation land.  The year 1917 saw the dawning of air transportation and underwater transport, whereas in 1877 railroads were the fastest mode of transportation.

The political scene of 1877 was limited to state and county issues and events.  These front page articles were as important during this time of history as the world political scene was in 1917 and 1947.  However, the arrest of a mail clerk for tampering with the mail for his alleged mistress, would not make front page news in later years as it did in 1877.

The political scenes of 1917 and 1847 were very significant to the United States and the world, due to World War I and World War II; however, in 1877 the United States was not motivated in the direction of political power and world supremacy.

The trivial front page headlines of 1877 were almost amusing as compared to the world destruction of 1917 and the Cold War of 1947.  A comparison of the decades between these dates awakens a person to the speed at which our world seems to be changing.  These three years, 1877, 1917, and 1947 cover a century and 70 years.  Looking back, the reader sees that change has moved like a cyclone across the path of mankind.  The speed at which life passes has made quite an impressive impact.

                                                                                    1583 words

Whagoose D'Moose
1235 Elkton Trl.
Deerfield, FL 32--
 
 

The Evolution of Sports Coverage in Journalism

Several sessions with the microfilm of three editions of The New Moose Times on April 1, 189-, 193-, 197-, reveal how sports has evolved as a favorite interest of humans and moose. These sports included baseball, harness racing, tennis, archery, yachting, fishing, football, and boxing. As the images of each issue come on the screen, the reader sees that additional sports are introduced along with the traditional ones.

On Friday, April 1, 189-, The New Moose Times featured an article on baseball and an article on harness racing. These were two heavily publicized sports at the time. The baseball article, "Hard-Fought Battle" (page 7), was on the Elks' 6-5 victory over the Wapitis in Deerfield. Three thousand people witnessed the event. Throughout the game, the Elks played errorless, while the Wapitis made four errors.

An article on harness racing was "Fast Time At Cowchester" (page 8). Eight thousand to ten thousand people witnessed the three races that were held on this day. Out of the three races, a sum of five thousand dollars' worth of prize money was distributed according to each race. The winners of each race were pronounced by the names of their steeds, all moose, of course. For example, the winner of the first race was a moose named Felix; the second race, Phyllis; the fourth race, Billy. Harness racing and baseball were the only two sports covered by The Times.

Since The Times lacked a formal sports section in the 19th Century, the reader has to look at advertisements to see any hints about other sports activities or interests.  A one-column ad near the bottom of page 7 was for Moosehorns General Store, which was located at 123 Fourth Avenue in New Moose City.  Moosehorns sold equipment for carriages and horses and emphasized "including racing gear."  In the classified section, a young moose of good character sought employment as a "sporting expert" in "baseball, harness, and tennis," with the ad apparently directed towards the equivalent of country clubs or large estates of the wealthy.

The number of sports events covered by The Times increased substantially between 189- and 193-.

On Wednesday, April 1, 193-,  The Times presented articles on newer sports. These sports were tennis, yachting, archery, golfing, and boxing. For example, on page 1 of section IV, a story was headlined "Brumoose-Schomoose Team Wins."  It said that, in Minneapolis, the champion doubles tennis teams were competing. On the men's doubles, Charles Brumoose and Bill Schomoose were victorious over Bill Moose and Gordan Remoose, 6-0, 6-1, 6-0. The victors of the women's doubles were Katherine Stomoose and Katherine Withmoose, who defeated Theodora Smoose and Helen Bigmoose, 6-1, 6-3. Some of the single's scores were given, but the main coverage made by The Times was on the double's matches.

The Times also featured a contest in archery, "Robin Hoods Compete" (page 2, section IV).  Ralph Elk, a seventeen-year-old archer, broke a record in point standings made by Russ Hoogehyde in 1932. Mrs. Ann Elk won the women's archery contest, beating sixty-six other competitors. Although the article on archery was short, it let the reader know that archery prevailed as another interest of the people.

This issue of The Times featured an article on Junior Yachting, "Bullmoose Sails to Victory" (page 4). In Moosemont, New York, Robert Bullmoose Jr. sailed the Atlantic. He was victorious in his feat and gained the Moose Island Sound annual junior championship, sponsored by the Moosemont Yacht Club. Bullmoose sailed eight miles in a matter of five hours, twenty-five minutes, and thirty-one seconds. The Times did not mention anything about women participating in yachting.

Golf presented another newly covered sport. At Moose Point, New York, Dorothy Jackassdeer broke "a competitive record for the Hotel  Alces Course with a score of seventy-seven." This score gave Dorothy first place. Mrs. Leo G. Mooseman of Mooseville finished in second with a score of eighty-one. Mrs. George Moosison of Moose Valley scored an eighty-two and secured a strong third place finish. In Moosebury Plains, Eddie Antlerspread took first place for the men's golfing. The paper stated:  "He is a young man from the Bronx, who is known as a champion speed skater." The Times mentioned this ironically because he surprised the crowd with his experience in golf. At the club's number two course, Antlerspread hit a perfect shot right down the middle of the fairway. He made this shot on the third hole and left the ball one foot and five inches away from the cup. This one shot gave Antlerspread first place. Later, Hoogoose Munkelwits, "an assistant professional at the Island Hills country club," came in second-place. Munkelwits hit a shot that left the ball one foot and nine and three fourths inches away from the hole. This shot gave Munkelwits a firm second place finish. And in third place there was Oscar Goose, an eighteen year old from Moosemore, Louisiana. His shot ended up one foot and ten inches away from the hole.

The sport of boxing was scarce in this issue. The only information mentioned was that a boxing bout would be held at Moosewood Grove, near Gotham at 8:30 p.m.  The Times did not mention any further information concerning boxing.

On Thursday, April 1, 197-, The New Moose Times reported on football, baseball, boxing and fishing. A football game between the New Moose Stars and Mooseland Hooves made the headlines. Tom Macmoose, the quarterback for the New Moose Stars, led the way to victory by throwing several great passes to each of his wide receivers. On the other hand, the quarterback for Mooseland, Mark Elkhorn, was tackled several times by the Stars defensive line. Another article about football was "The Return of Joe Namoose." All that was mentioned in this article was his return after a career-threatening injury.

The New Moose Times displayed many articles on baseball. One article was when the Elks beat the Deer. Tom Mooser was pitching well for the Elks but he was becoming tired around the fifth inning. Tug Magroose, a relief pitcher, replaced Mooser and picked up the victory. The Deer struggled in the ninth inning, but it was too late. The final score was 3-2. Another article on baseball was the game between the Antelope and the Unicorns.   Red Jones, the sports writer, said, "It was a memorable event." The Antelope were tied with the Unicorns until the ninth inning. The Unicorns gained three runs and won the game, 4-1.

Arthur Wildebeeste, the number one seed in men's tennis, defeated Jeff Mooseways in the Ohio Championship. The score in their match was 6-1, 6-4. This article on tennis was small, but it did mention the sport as an upcoming "sport of the decade."

Boxing was not covered in this particular issue of The Times. It did mention remarks made by the manager of Roberto Antelopa and a future opponent. Antelopa's manager, a Canadian, insisted that Duran would not fight his opponent unless there was a Canadian judge and referee. The fight was eventually called off.

Fishing was another sport covered in this issue of The Times. The invention of a new fishing bait, by David Moosehall, proved to be a number one best-seller. This bait, called "the Moose Friend," had a five-year warranty and attracted several kinds of fish.

In conclusion, the reader can see how sports have evolved by checking these three representative days over the past hundred years. The Times covered fewer sports in the late nineteenth century and more sports during the twentieth century. Thanks to cable television, sports enthusiasts are learning about, and enjoying, many new sports.

                                                                                            1230 words

Writing and the information highway

Many moose have learned that the information highway is safer than the regular highways and interstates of the Great White North and the Sandy Florida Peninsular.  A moose may hoof-and-peck his or her way through information searches that reveal hundreds or thousands of sources.

Major politicians become misty-eyed as they speak of the grand advantages of the internet.  As a writer and a clever moose, you will want to know how to use the new tool effectively. Keep these quick points in mind:
 

• The internet will offer many jewels.
• The internet will also offer many pieces of junk since any wild-eyed moose or crazed weasel may set up a homepage, often full of sound and fury and signifying nothing.
• You have to be careful to use the internet wisely and to avoid craziness, fads, ignorance, and logorreah (running off at the keyboard).
• Often the internet delivers only the most recent article on a subject, not necessarily the most thorough article.

As an example of the last point, if you were writing about the sinking of the Moosetanic after it struck the World's Biggest Bagel off the coast of Newfoundland in 1952, you should not assume that the internet article from this year will provide more information than the reports that appeared in Mooseweek back in the 1950s.  The internet article may even fail to mention the formal hearing held in 1957 that determined that Captain Hornblower D. Moosenight of the Moosetanic was suffering from a sugar-high from overindulgence in root-beer.

Therefore, use a combination of recent internet sources, with actual articles from the relevant periods you are researching.

A good example of the pitfalls of the internet is the experience in 1996 of Pierre Salinger.  This respected newsman is smarter than the average moose, having been the press secretary for President Kennedy and a long-time reporter for ABC News.  Despite his background, he believed a fraudulent "report" on the internet that U.S. military missiles had accidentally shot down TWA Flight 800 off New York.

As you do your assignments, check with your instructors about the respectability of the sources you use.  Many CD-ROM or on-line sources are as respectable as their print equivalents.  When you see names such as Encarta, Compton's, Encyclopaedia Britannica, or the like, you know their contents have been carefully reviewed for accuracy and sensibility.  Similarly, if you find an internet version of a major newspaper or magazine, you may trust that the editors have carefully checked their facts for the internet version.

However, if you are using an internet version of, say, Time magazine, it makes sense simply to use the actual hard-copy version from the library shelves or the microfilm.

A reasonable instructor may insist that you obtain his or her approval for your internet sources.  The instructor may also require you to stay with print versions if they are easily accessible at the library.
 
 

Author's Last Name, First Name.  "Article Title."  Name of Publication. Original  Publication Date of Original Publication:  pages.  Title of CD-ROM. Publication Medium (CD-ROM).  Producer of CD-ROM.  Electronic Publication Date.

McGillicutty, Turlow, and Dana Hagsacket.  "The Moose Way:  The Real Way."  Mooseweek 21 Oct. 1998:  60-65.  Infomoose Magazine Index.  CD-ROM.   Data Access.  Dec. 1998.  <http://www.moonews.com/ magazines/tnr/current/011972.html.>
                [CD-ROM: article from a magazine with a print version]

McGillicutty, Turlow, and Dana Hagsacket.  "The Moose Way:  The Real Way."  Mooseweek 21 Oct. 1998. Dec. 1998 <http://www. moonews.com/magazines/ tnr/current/011972.html.>
                [Internet article from a magazine with a print version]

"The Real Way for Florida's Moose."  Moosetime.  21 Oct. 1998:
        6-11.  Infomoose Magazine Index.  CD-ROM.Data Access.  Dec.
        1998.
                [CD-ROM:  article from a magazine with a print version]

"The Real Way for Florida's Moose."  Moosetime. 21 Oct. 1998:
        6-11.  27 Oct. 1998. <http://www.moosetime.com/RealWay/html>.
                [Internet  article from a magazine with a print version]

Feinstein, Sedgewick.  "Moose on Crack."  The Florida Journal of  Medicine for Moose and Aardvarks. 233 (1998):  1254-12-61.  Moose Digest. CD-ROM.  Moosebank.  Dec. 1998.
                [CD-ROM article from a journal with a print version]

Feinstein, Sedgewick.  "Moose on Crack."  The Florida Journal of  Medicine for Moose and Aardvarks. 233 (1998).  13 Dec.1998 <http://www. flajoumedmoose.com/MooseonCrack.html>.
                [Internet article from a journal with a print version]

Blowman, Buglenaut J.  "The Moose of Christmas Past." Moose  Street Journal  27 Sept. 1998:  A18+.  Infomoose Magazine Index.  CD-ROM.  Data Access. Dec. 1998.
                [Article from a newspaper with a print version]

Blowman, Buglenaut J.  "The Moose of Christmas Past." Moose  Street Journal on the Web 27 Sept. 1998.  30 Sept. 1998 <http://www. msjweb.com/culture.html>.
               [Internet article from a newspaper with a print version]

Mooseville, Herman.  Moby-Moose.  Greatest Classics by Moose.   CD-ROM. North America Library. 1997.
                [Selection from a book with a print version]

Mooseville, Herman.  Moby-Moose.  Greatest Classics by Moose.   <http://www.mooseclassics.com/moby-moose.html>.
                [Internet version of a book with a print version]

Where do you find website information?

Notice that the pointy brackets (<>) enclose the website information.  Since you will need to include that information in your "works cited" entries, here is what you do:  On Netscape, you click on the slot that says "Location"; on Internet Explorer, click on the slot that says "Address."  The information should have turned blue when you clicked, so go to Edit and click on Copy.  Then go to your word processing program or perhaps your working draft of the "works cited" page, and PASTE this information. 
 
  FORMAT:  Internet or CD-ROM Database with NO Print Version

Author's Last Name, First Name.  "Article Title."  Publication  Title.  Publication  Medium (CD-ROM). City of CD-ROM Publication:  Producer of CD-ROM, Year of Publication.

"Moose."  Moosecarta 1999.  CD-ROM.  Redwoods:  Moosesoft, 1998.

Author's Last Name, First Name.  "Article Title."  Publication  Title.  Publication Medium (CD-ROM). City of CD-ROM Publication:  Producer of CD-ROM, Year of Publication.

"Moose."  Moosecarta 1999.  CD-ROM.  Redwoods:  Moosesoft, 1998.

"A Moose Guide to Beethoven's Hiking Trails."  CD-ROM.  Moose Valley:
        Mooseactive, 1998.

"A Moose Guide to Beethoven's Hiking Trails."  Mooseactive Hike Site
        <http://www2.Moose_Valley.com./Germany-Austria.html>.
        [Internet]

Moosey, Goose.  The Complete Guide to Keeping Moose Happy.  2 Oct. 1999.
        Online. Internet. 4 Jan. 2000.  <http://whd.wwwb.ucuc.edu/Canada/
        Florida/moose/lifestyle.html>.

                [Online World Wide Web Site, with the last update of the website being Oct. 2, 1999,  and the  material being accessed on Jan. 4, 2000]

Attributing vs. Plagiarism

In grade school, Miz Spudbucket may have encouraged some bad habits that led to plagiarism.  Perhaps she needed a "mental health day" but did not feel like going through the hassle of lining up a substitute, so she opted to take a class to the library to research, say, famous individuals.  She took her Midol, found a dark corner where the light wouldn't hurt her eyes, and gave fitful smiles as Johnny copied the article on George Washington; Sally, the article on Sally Ride; Jimbo, the article on Barry Bonds; and Elliot the Nerd, the piece on Bill Gates.  The students turned in the articles, the teacher checked them off, and survived that awful day.  Unfortunately, she wound up sending some wrong messages:

      She signals that it is all right to copy an article word for word.  It isn't.

She signals that she is not really going to read the articles and that the student only needs to turn something in to receive credit for it.  That attitude is the exception and not the rule.

When Miz Spudbucket's former students reach a decent high school class or a college class, these bad habits often end up creating major problems for  students, for they end up being accused of plagiarism.

The worst crime in a college or university is plagiarism:  stealing another person's concepts, ideas or words.  An instructor is entitled to mark an F on a paper that was plagiarized.  Sometimes, however, the thefts might have been innocent ones, as students did not know what they were doing.  (At other times, however, papers have been deliberately stolen, written by others, or purchased.  For example, one unlucky student bought a term paper and turned it in, only to discover that his professor had written the paper years ago when he was a graduate student selling his old papers to a term paper company.)

Your instructor suspects that you do not want to face the hassle of plagiarism.  He also knows that, before you finish college, you may face several courses in which you will receive only two grades:  the final examination grade and a term paper grade.  In these courses, you will not be able to be lax in identifying your sources and in doing your own work.

So, before the MLA Style changed, your instructor simply urged freshmen to be overfootnoters rather than underfootnoters.  The logic was simple:  Later on in college, the pitfall of overfootnoting was, say, a B instead of an A.  However, the danger of underfootnoting was a charge of plagiarism and an F.  So now that footnotes have become obsolete, the instructor prefers that you use much in-text citation.

When working with others, students sometimes stumble into plagiarism.  Let's say Moe, Larry, Curly, and Shemp are researching "moose."  They look up various articles, meet to discuss what they have, and then present their reports.  If they are truly stooges, then they turn in EXACTLY the same report, each person having the same typos, same sentences, etc.  This is plagiarism.  Moe may protest for them, "Wait a minute, the teacher TOLD us to work together."  Working together, however, does not mean turning in one report four times.  Just as we have Democrats or Republicans who are liberal, moderate, conservative, reactionary, or compassionate, we individuals look at facts differently from each other.  Moe has been put on earth to have HIS view and perspective; Larry, his; Curly, his; and Shemp, his.  Each perspective deserves its own paper. . .and the teacher will zap any paper that fails to respect the integrity of our perspectives.  Sometimes Moe writes the original paper, and Larry, Curly, and Shemp copy the document onto their disks.  The other three go through and change various words and make a sloppy attempt to make the three papers look different from Moe's.  However, the paper still has these problems:

The papers don't present any new ideas from the original one.

The papers either use some sentences that are exactly the same or they have phrases that are the same from paper to paper.

The papers have sentences that look different, but the ideas proceeding from sentence to sentence are the same.

You may even encounter a concept called "self plagiarism."  Professors who fret about this alleged transgression argue the following:  "If you have written a paper for one course, you may not turn in that paper as an assignment in another course."  Very likely, Professor Crotchety won't know you have used the same paper in two different classes, but here are some pitfalls:

If you are recycling a paper from high school in a college class, your instructors may have different goals.  A high school teacher may be more interested in teaching you how to organize material and use sources, whereas the college teacher may judge partly on those criteria and partly on your concepts.

If you are turning a paper into two different college classes, the instructors may still have different goals and directions.  One may want more of your own interpretation, while the other may want a combination of your thoughts and research material.

If nothing else, one paper may be required to use MLA style and the other APA style.

---

 When Do You Use Something In-Text?

If you use an article or part of a book in your paper, mention that source in the paper and put a bibliography entry at the end of the paper.  This applies to everything.  If you do not have a particular fact in your head at this moment, let the reader know where the fact is coming from if you are using it in your paper. 

Research manuals often say that, if the matter is in the public domain or is something commonly known, it is not necessary to identify the sources.  These manuals include such information as, say, the dates of Michelangelo's birth and death, facts about his education, and his career.  These problems can occur:

The sources may differ in "facts."  For example, some sources say that Michelangelo was born in 1474, but the accurate sources report that he was actually born in 1475.

The "facts" may have been reinterpreted.  Some calendar changes may have occurred.  One source may use an old calendar; another source, a revised calendar.

Freshmen become confused and start assuming a body of knowledge that neither they nor sometimes even experts have; they often trip up and are accused of . . . PLAGIARISM!

When you use in-text citation, you will want to do the following:

Cite the source immediately when you BEGIN using, instead of going on for a paragraph or a page and putting a citation at the end.  Proper first citation:  "Will Rogers was born near Claremore, Oklahoma, on November 4, 1879, according to Homer Croy in Our Will Rogers."

Use a shortened citation when referring to a source a second time:  "Croy said Rogers' full name was William Penn Adair Rogers, and, instead of being a simple cowboy, he was the son of a wealthy banker."  [Include page numbers.]

When you are finished using a source, give a wrap-up citation.

---

What is In-Text Citation?
A Bibliography Entry? Works Cited?

To gain an idea of what in-text citation does and what it looks like in its various forms, read your handbook carefully.  This brief information may be helpful:

A bibliography (or "works cited" page) goes at the very end of a paper.  For us, it is a listing of everything used in a paper:  books, articles, pamphlets, interviews, whether on-line or off, etc.  Quite often, especially for a freshman-level paper, a reader can look at a bibliography and tell if a paper is probably going to be on target.  For example, if a research paper has used only a couple of encyclopedia articles and a book, it's probably going to be a shallow and incomplete paper.  On the other hand, if a paper has used the major experts in the field, the paper has a good chance of being adequately done.

So a bibliography lets a reader know what was used in a paper.

In-text citation, on the other hand, tells the reader how each item was used in the paper.  It enables the reader to see if the writer of the research paper was logical, methodical, and careful in his/her research and analysis.  If a reader is trying to see if an argument is fairly done, he/she may discover that important information has been quoted incorrectly or omitted altogether.  The reader may also discover, for a good paper, that the report was logical and careful.
 
 

Sample Entries in a Bibliography / "Works Cited" Page

Black, Sedgwick P.  "The Decline of the Western World, Except Palatka." The  Disintegration of Society.  Ed. Burton Barton and Ellen Mellin.  New York: U of Foni P, 2004.  150-65.
 

Brown, Elwood.  "The Prevalence of Double-Vision in Two-Volume Novels by Siamese Twins." The Journal of Literary Curiosities 3.2 (2003): 405-10.

Brown, Elwood.  "The Prevalence of Double-Vision in One-Volume Novels by Siamese Twins." The Journal of Literary Curiosities 4.1 (2004).  4 Jan. 1995. <http://www.jlt.com/twins/brown.html>.

Cranston, Lamont, and Margo Lane.  "Some Notes on the Powers of the Mind and the Perceptions of Humans."  Penumbra 39 (2002): 23-33.

 

"Eel, Howland." Swamp Biography Jan. 2001: 35.

Elligatur, Albert, et al., eds.  Swamp Biography.  Marshton, Fla.:  Foni, 2004.

Frogg, Hermit A.  "My TV Brother, the Communist Spy." Traitors on Television and in Famous Amos Restaurants.  Ed.  Bigg Byrd.  Moscow:  Full-Court P, 2003.  66-87.
 

"Goosebumps on Geese."  Fowl News 12 May 2002: 78-79.
 

"Has Snail Swallowed and Burped Quincy?"  The Tallahassee Tory 15  Feb. 2003: A1.
 

Jones, John.  "A View of Yeats' 'The Second Coming.'" Foni  Journal 23 (2003): 101-21.
 

"Man Confesses 'I Cut Out Her Heart and Ate It Raw.'" National Inquiring Midnight Tattling Star 28 Oct. 2002: 1.
 

Moose, Hoogoose D.  "Antlers in the Treetops." Woods and Rivers July 2003: 101-115.
 

-----------------.  "My Life as a Lumberjack." Bunyan Review 3.3 (2004): 62-79.
 

Noogle, Mooky.  Graymalkin on My Dresser.  San Francisco:  Foni West, 1999.
 

-------------.  Black Cat in a Box.  Springfield, Ill.: Foni Midwest, 2001.
 

Smith, Samuel.  "Giant Snail Swallows Panama City." Pensacola Sandstorm 14 Jan. 2003: I, 1.
 

Wiederman, Reed, Chippin Dale, and Barbara O'Brownsky, eds.  Modern Biography  2000. Gotham, N.Y.:  Foni East, 2001.

A Sample Section of a Silly Paper

                Hoopoka da Polecatta
                RGPL-NYT
 

                                        The Inferiority of Moose

Unlike the noble skunk, which has made a major impact on the olfactory organs of other species, the common moose continues to find it difficult to function in civilized society.  Skunks, by contrast, fill valuable jobs as security guards, odor detectors, and (thanks to the tail) crossing guards.  Despite its size and strength, the moose proves that it primarily uses its head to hold up its antlers.  What little intelligence the species has is neutralized by its neuroses.

 Hoogoose D. Moose in Woods and Rivers (July 1999) reveals that a typical moose lives a life that is fitful and unsettling.  For example, few humans realize that a moose is a ticklish creature.  "It's bad enough going through brush and having twigs tickle your sides, but it's murder when deliberate attempts are made to tickle you," Moose wrote (20).  An estimated 250 moose annually are unnecessarily killed because they giggled in woods when hunters were around (23).  Some quiet and perverse hunters like to sneak up behind a moose, poke it in the ribs, and watch a startled moose leap into the limbs of a nearby tree.  Moose criticized hunters who like to taunt a treed moose by circling the tree and going "goochy goochy" while making tickling motions with their fingers (23).  Four states in the Far West have subsequently passed laws forbidding such inhumane activities; these statutes are generally called "The Goochy-Goochy Bills" or "Moose-Goosing Statutes" (23).

 According to Moose, the moose is a sensitive creature who resents thoughtless remarks about its antlers or its name:  "Humans delight in confusing the plural of the moose's name, even when they know better" (20).  Moose noted, "People say 'mooses and gooses' and 'meese and geese.'  The correct plural is moose:  i.e., one moose and two moose, just as we say one fish and two fish" (23).

***************************************************************

What would bibliography entry look like?  The following examples will assume that our play-like author is known or is not known:

Moose, Hoogoose D.  "Antlers in the Treetops." Woods and Rivers July 2001: 20-23.

                                --or if no author were given--

"Antlers in the Treetops."  Woods and Rivers July 2001: 20-23.

* * *

Click on Harbrace for a guide to the numbers put on papers.

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